From headache to heartache: why we fail to plan for the inevitable

I know of a loving father who was already excitedly planning for Christmas. But he had not yet planned for an event with a far longer-lasting impact on his children: his death. What makes us ignore such an unavoidable, high-consequence event? I spoke to leaders, economists and historians to find out. A few of the answers:

1. It is how we are wired

Research has found that our brains shield us from the idea of our own death - we are close to unable to grasp our own mortality. Living in the present is healthy. But we cannot claim to be caring for our loved ones while leaving no basic protection in place for them.

2. Assumptions and the unknown

There is blind faith at work too. Are you clear who your next of kin actually is - and how anything reaches them? With children under 18 and no Will, whose responsibility do they become? What does your partner actually get if there is no Will? Unless you have personally dealt with a death, you are unlikely to know the pitfalls - and it is tragic that someone's last act can be to plunge their family into dispute, see their wishes contested, or leave responsibility for their children with the Local Authority.

3. The unexpected

The strategy consultant and military historian Stephen Bungay pointed out to me that military strategists knew the unexpected would happen. We apply that discipline readily in our professions - and almost never at home. As Bungay puts it: what cannot be made simple cannot be made clear, and what is not clear will not get done.

4. Technology helps in life, not in death

Managing our affairs has never been easier - a phone does it all. But paperless finance and online security are highly effective barriers to an executor finding assets. Faced with an unexpected death, where on anyone's list is breaking into a smartphone to work out which of thousands of providers holds an online ISA? If your executor does not find your assets, your family does not get them - a loss that potentially costs families more than contested Wills and overpriced probate combined, without anyone realising. It is exactly why we built a maintained asset record and a managed handover into every Kinherit plan.

5. Fear of cost and rip-offs

Many people fear excessive legal fees even more than they distrust online Will-sellers - and unfortunately both fears are well founded in an unregulated industry. A common industry practice is to under-price the Will in order to secure lucrative probate work later: probate handled that way can cost over five per cent of the estate, multiples of what it should, and fixed-fee offers routinely exclude the legal fees in the small print. Worse still is probate fishing, where a Will-writer sells your future probate to the highest bidder.

6. Fear of upsetting loved ones

Sometimes people fear talking about death because they think it will upset their family, as Mary Tutaev of Death Cafe Bristol told me. In practice, the far more upsetting thing is not talking and not planning - because the costs of silence arrive at the worst possible moment, in so many ways.

The conclusion

We need to talk about death more - and act. Ask a family member or trusted friend to be an executor, guardian or trustee. Anyone with children under 18 simply must name guardians in a Will, or the authorities get involved - and consider whether Guardian's Allowance of £22.95 a week is sufficient support for whoever steps in. Think about how your executor will locate what you own. A little planning now saves our families enormous cost, hassle and distress later.

Key takeaways

• Our brains are wired to avoid the subject - which is exactly why a process beats good intentions
• If your executor cannot find an asset, your family loses it
• Not talking about death is more upsetting, in the end, than talking about it

Richard Thomson is co-founder and Chairman of Kinherit. For a complimentary, no-obligation planning conversation, visit kinherit.co.uk.