Student nurse who heads Death Café calls for people to make end-of-life plans

Image right: Nicole Stanfield Caile and her late father, Chris Kouhi.

Student nurse Nicole Stanfield Caile flew back to the United States to care for her estranged father in his dying days. But she was unable to grieve for him immediately after he died because he had not written a Will - and she had to make difficult decisions on his behalf.

The mum-of-one said it made dealing with loss even harder and has called for other people to talk about death and end-of-life planning - before it is too late. Nicole heads the Death Café in Taunton, a space where people can meet and speak openly about the taboo topic of dying. During the outbreak of COVID-19 she has seen a spike in members as more people are coming to terms with their mortality.

Nicole spoke to the team at Kinherit about why we should all consider end-of-life planning - no matter how young or healthy we are.

Why end-of-life planning matters

"We can't prevent death - but we can prevent causing more upset for loved ones by talking about our plans in advance. It is important to write our plans down, as memory is not always reliable, and to make them legally binding where possible."

Nicole noted that the pandemic had brought a greater sense of urgency to these conversations, with interest in the Death Café increasing four-fold.

Nicole's own experience

Her father had been fit and healthy, developed undiagnosed Type 2 diabetes, and died suddenly following a heart attack without having made any plans or written a Will. Relatives disagreed about funeral arrangements, and Nicole had to publish an advert calling for anyone with a claim on his estate to contact the courts, as he had property with various investors and other assets she was unaware of.

"It was a nightmare situation and some people came out of the woodwork. I couldn't please everybody and would have felt more comfortable if I could have referred directly to my dad's expressed wishes."

Her advice

"I would recommend getting professional advice where possible and checking their credentials. Will-writing is unregulated and I know some people are choosing cheaper and easier options at this time. But I think it's worth investing in quality support to avoid extra expense and complications further down the line."

Kinherit is proud to be involved in the Death Café, which offers a safe place for people to talk about life and death, currently run on Zoom and Facebook Live.